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Last week I posted a journal entry stating I believed nothing was unforgivable. Well, there's a reason for that, which should shed some light on a few other things.
I'm afraid of permanence.
If a significant decision is irrevocable, I will hesitate as much as possible to make it. I'm always afraid I'll make the wrong choice and regret it for the rest of my life. I can't let go easily.
Today I stumbled upon a review for a computer game called "OneShot". I won't share the details, but part of its appeal is that if you lose the game, or even quit outside of a save point, it's over and you can't ever play it again (unless you delete the save data or something). The game unnerved me as soon as I read that, and I couldn't bear to click the download link.
That might explain a few things about me. Perhaps there's still something else behind it. I'd like to know as much about myself as possible.
I'm afraid of permanence.
If a significant decision is irrevocable, I will hesitate as much as possible to make it. I'm always afraid I'll make the wrong choice and regret it for the rest of my life. I can't let go easily.
Today I stumbled upon a review for a computer game called "OneShot". I won't share the details, but part of its appeal is that if you lose the game, or even quit outside of a save point, it's over and you can't ever play it again (unless you delete the save data or something). The game unnerved me as soon as I read that, and I couldn't bear to click the download link.
That might explain a few things about me. Perhaps there's still something else behind it. I'd like to know as much about myself as possible.
Worldbuilding
An essential skill for a writer who wants to write anything of length is worldbuilding. Creating large, complex settings and cultures, the elements of which interact with each other in interesting and believable ways. And as you might be able to guess, it's a skill I'm lacking in. I just don't have the passion for it. I don't know if I'm not starting small enough or what, but any world larger than short-story-size feels like more trouble than it's worth. All I can manage are bits and pieces, just enough to describe in one paragraph and hold together a single short story-- and recyclable for more than that if I'm lucky. I can also take the concepts established by others and follow their patterns, for example creating characters for settings and cultures that already exist. Some of you may have noticed my numerous collabs with @lizardman22 (hereafter abbreviated as 22). P1P2 collabs, we call them-- short for "Part 1, Part 2"-- in which I offer up the start of a story, introducing
Helplessness
Last night I played a game of Wargroove against a friend online. He beat me (he always does). The last few turns were especially humiliating; my commander was boxed in by units I couldn't attack, all my other units had been picked off, and I couldn't bring in any new units without them being killed on the spot-- and that was before he took out my recruitment structures and left me unable to create new units. I was too noble to resign, so there was literally nothing I could do while he took his sweet time taking out my stronghold and claiming the win. That scenario perfectly encapsulates an emotion I have a particular dislike for: helplessness. Helplessness is a terrible feeling. I mean, of course it is-- but for me it goes beyond that. As hyper-empathetic as I am, I can hardly stand to read about characters (including fictional characters) in helpless situations, whether they allegedly deserve it or not. Frustratingly, there seem to be quite a few writers on DeviantART and
The problem-solver
Yesterday (May 31) was my birthday. It was a fairly uneventful birthday-- I can count the birthday wishes I received on one hand-- but I did go out to dinner with my father and a friend of his at a favorite restaurant of ours. We talked at length about myself and my future (and my lack of plans for it). We even shared favorite stories about things I'd done. I told a story of my own, about something I was proud of doing. One time when my parents were out of town, my iPhone needed to be shipped in for repairs, but it specifically had to be at a UPS store and there was no such store in my hometown. I looked up the nearest UPS store on my car's GPS navigator, and it was in another city an hour's drive away. So I set the GPS, drove over, shipped off the iPhone, had lunch somewhere local, and drove back home. According to my dad, this story demonstrated what excellent problem-solving skills I had. And that stuck with me. To me it felt like nothing. The whole point of a GPS
Devious Journal Entry
So you're telling me that people actually SOCIALIZE during family gatherings? As in they TALK to each other about irrelevant personal matters, and not only is it tolerable, it's actually their preferred method of dinner entertainment? Sounds far-fetched.
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