The Tale of Sir Palm

The middle ages.  A time of castles and royalty, of knights and dragons.  A time of Sir Leopold Palm, otherwise known as Sir Palm the Charismatic, renowned dragon slayer.

Well, "dragon slayer" is a bit misleading-- only on a fraction of occasions did the armor-clad Mobian monkey resort to actually taking the lives of the humongous dragons who so frequently attacked the Kingdom of Dusk and kidnapped unfortunate Princess Valerie.  (They were considering renaming it the Dragon Kingdom due to the frequency of the attacks.)  The rest of the time, Sir Palm resorted to less violent tactics, much to the ire of his violence-loving squire, Maxwell.

Today was no different.  A bright purple dragon, Mobian and about ten stories in height, had attacked the kingdom and plucked Valerie right off the balcony of her royal chambers.  As usual, Sir Palm and his squire had been charged with the princess's safe return.  Over the course of four days, the two had traveled across the landscape, occasionally asking villagers for directions as they tracked the purple dragon down.

"Art we going to findeth this dragon soon, Sir Palm?" Maxwell complained.  "I am sicketh of this meandering!  It hast been a fortnight since I last saw thou slayeth something!"

Maxwell was a Mobian donkey, light gray in color-- a bit of a clash with Sir Palm's dark blue.  Having more strength and stamina than the monkey, the squire often found himself carrying most of the knight's possessions for him, though Sir Palm was kind enough to carry his own share as well.

"Haveth patience, Maxwell," Sir Palm replied.  "Being a knight is not all about the slaying."

The squire rolled his eyes.  "Whatever thou sayest, Sir Palm.  I already misseth the comforts of home.  Even now, I can hear the ladies singing in the bathhouse..."

Suddenly, Sir Palm stopped in his tracks, holding out his sword to block his squire.

"A moment, Maxwell!  I thinketh I DO hear singing around hither!"

He was right.  A beautiful and melodious soprano voice was coming from somewhere in the distance.  Maxwell seemed to perk up.

"Whoever it is, we should payest them a visit," he suggested.  "It would do for a wonderful break."

"Ordinarily I would not concur," Sir Palm replied, "but that DOST seem to be whither the dragon was headed according to our tracking.  We may find a lead there.  Forsooth, let us go!"

As Sir Palm and his squire advanced towards the singing, it grew louder and louder, and it quickly became apparent that no ordinary diva could be its source.  Anticipation hung in the air as the duo finally approached a large, deep cave.  Perhaps there was some connection to the princess-napping dragon after all.

The voice was even louder inside the cave, echoing off the walls.  Sir Palm and Maxwell were both forced to cover their ears as they followed the song.  Soon, however, the mystery was solved.

A large, female Mobian dragon stood in a large chamber of the cave.  She was violet with black highlights, and amber eyes.  She had two black horns, side by side and sticking backwards, and a single row of short black spines going down her back.  She cloaked herself from chest to hips in a large white sheet of fabric from who-knows-where, although it wasn't hard to tell she was fairly buxom underneath it (although Sir Palm knew from prior dealings that female dragons' "breasts" were actually air sacs for flammable gases).

And sure enough, she was the one singing.

Almost on cue, the purple dragon quieted her voice as Sir Palm and his squire approached-- but not upon noticing them, as instead she turned her gaze on a Mobian-sized figure on a higher ledge.

"How didst thou like that?"

"'Twas lovely, O dragon," came the reply in a familiar voice, "but thou still needst to lower thy volume.  My ears ringeth still."

"That is Princess Valerie!" Sir Palm blurted out without thinking.

The dragon whipped around.  "Oh!  It appears I hath guests.  I welcome thou; I never closeth my cave to visitors."

Maxwell moved to speak, but Sir Palm quickly and discreetly shushed him, seeming to guess that the donkey would have said something that would have gotten them both in trouble.

"We hath come here in search of Princess Valerie of the Kingdom of Dusk.  Is that not her behind thou?"

"Sir Palm!" Valerie cried out.

"Perhaps it is thy Princess, but wherefore shouldst I just let thou taketh her away?"

The knight paused.  This was a question he had heard from dragons before; the trick was to come up with a reason that the dragon would care about.  Not immediately coming up with one, he decided to press for more information.

"Well... wherefore didst thou kidnap her, if I may asketh?"

"Thou may, but perhaps 'twould be better if I introduced myself first.  My name is Sparka; I fancieth myself a diva amongst dragons, a maiden of vocal melody.  Ever since I first learned to changeth the pitch of my voice using my fire gases, I hath devoted my life to song.  I aspire to entertain men and women aliketh with my voice."

"What dost thy singing career hath to do with the Princess?" Maxwell cut in.  Sir Palm was about to reprimand him, but conceded that it was a pertinent question to ask.

"Without an audience," Sparka explained, "a singer mighteth as well be mute.  I needeth someone to sing to, someone with high standards... a royal figure seemed to fitst the role."

A smile crossed the knight's lips as an idea entered his mind.

"Perhaps I can make thou a deal.  A princess alone ist not much of an audience.  Perhaps thou wouldst prefer to singeth for the entire royal family?  With an instrumental accompaniment?"

Sparka's eyes widened as she realized what Sir Palm was suggesting.

"Thou wouldst arrangeth that for me?"

"Verily.  In return, thou must return the Princess and then leaveth without causing any further trouble."

"Thou hast a deal!  When and whither ist the performance?  I am liketh a knight's horse in the air; I can be there in a day and a night!"

"Let us say... three days hence, when the sun is overhead, at the royal castle thou took the Princess from?"

"Forsooth, I shalt be there!"

As knight and squire left, Maxwell let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head.

"Thou NEGOTIATED with the dragon, Sir Palm?  I beg thou, thinketh of posterity!  That shalt not make an epic tale for generations to tell!"

"I would rather haveth boring tales told about me, Maxwell, than tales of mercilessness and cruelty."

----

No matter how many times Sir Palm stood on the ramparts of the Kingdom of Dusk's castle, he could not get over its wonderful view of the kingdom.

Everything had been set up for the show to come.  The royal family was assembled in an appropriate seating area on one wall of the ramparts, minus the princess-- and a seat had been reserved for her.  The monkey knight himself stood just outside the seating area, his squire by his side.  Below, in one corner the castle courtyard, an assembly of royal musicians waited, their instruments at the ready.  The rest of the courtyard had been meticulously cleared out and prepared.  It was just about high noon.

"INCOMING DRAGON AT TEN O'CLOCK!" one of the sentries called out.  All heads turned, and sure enough, a black and purple figure gliding above the ground was approaching the castle fast.

"Forsooth, that is her!" Sir Palm declared.  "Hold thy fire!"

As she drew close, Sparka tilted her wings to slow herself before hitting the ground running and slowing to a stop.  Now that she was closer, Sir Palm could make out Princess Valerie clutched in the dragon's right hand.

"'Tis wonderful to see thou and the Princess again, Sparka," the knight greeted the dragon.  "Take thy position in the courtyard; all arrangements hath been made."

Sparka nodded, and with a well-timed flap of her wings, hurdled the castle wall and touched down perfectly in the center of the courtyard.  Glancing around, the dragon quickly spotted the royal family, and oh-so-gently set the Princess down in front of them.  The overjoyed Princess Valerie rushed into her parents' arms for a hug, then settled down in her seat.

Sir Palm stepped forwards and addressed the dragon.  "Remember, Sparka, thou art the lead singer.  The royal band will follow thy melody.  And do try to keep thy voice down, so thou dost not drowneth out the instruments.  Dost thou understand?"

"Verily."

"Then waiteth for my cue."

Stepping away from the dragon, Sir Palm turned his attention to the royal family and raised his voice.

"Hear ye, hear ye, royal family of the Kingdom of Dusk!  Today thou hast the pleasure of bearing audience to a talented singer, a diva amongst dragons, one whose voice hast surely been blessed by the gods.  None would expecteth someone of her size to haveth such a wonderful singing voice, but it is true, as thou shalt soon hear for thyselves.  So without further ado, I introduce thou to Sparka, Maiden of Fire and Song!"

His introduction done, the knight signaled to Sparka, who took a breath and began to hum a melody before transitioning into lyrics.  Just as advertised, her voice was uncannily beautiful, and the melody she sang tugged feverishly at the heartstrings.  The royal instruments followed along, complementing her singing perfectly.

The song itself was a poignant ballad of two dragons in love, their relationship cut tragically short by a fame-seeking knight slaying one and leaving the other all alone.  The story moved everyone to tears, and even Sir Palm briefly felt ashamed to carry the title of dragon-slayer.  Maxwell, meanwhile, had a breakdown and ran off crying.

Finally her performance came to an end.  The dragon's audience applauded feverishly, and Sparka smiled and bowed.  Sir Palm stepped forwards again.

"Thou chose a beautiful song for thy recital, Sparka.  Thou art an excellent singer."

"And thou an excellent host.  Maiden of Fire and Song... I liketh that title.  I may keepeth it."

It was time for Sparka to leave, so she said her goodbyes, then jumped the castle wall again before taking a running start and gliding away.  Sir Palm smiled as he watched the dragon disappear over the horizon.

"Ah... I always liketh it when dragons can be dealt with nonviolently."