The Flight Exam -Toon- -Trade-

Time seemed to slow to a crawl in the exam waiting room.  Ivan, a light brown 'toon wildcat, fidgeted with his flight suit as he waited for his turn to take his exam and get his flight license.

His flight suit was a rather odd-looking thing to anyone not versed in the field.  It consisted of a pair of special flight goggles, a belt with a little winch and claw and two metal cylinders on the front, two little metal cylinders, a pair of gloves with various controls and buttons on them, and two tubes running to the corners of his mouth from a pair of (currently empty) holders strapped to his back.  Currently he'd removed the tubes from his mouth, as they were a little irritating and he wouldn't need them until the exam itself.

Why can't they just call my name already?  I'm so nervous...

"Ivan Razzle?"

The wildcat perked up.  It was his turn.

"That's me."

"It's your turn for the exam.  Follow me to Hangar #3."

The examiner who'd called Ivan's name, a 'toon peregrine falcon, led him down a series of hallways to the door marked "HANGERS".  The falcon opened the door... revealing it to be a closet containing dozens of clothing hangers hanging on rods.

"Er, pardon me.  Wrong door.  I swear, if I had a Ratt for every time I made that mistake, my salary would triple."

Closing the door, the falcon moved to a second door marked "HANGARS".  This door opened up to reveal a hallway to several other doors, far apart and with numbers on them.  The walk to the door marked "3" was a few hundred feet, and Ivan already felt tired by the time he reached their destination.

The hangar itself was bigger than a ballroom, and several stories tall.  The walls were sheet metal, and curved together to meet directly above.  Several stacks of what looked like colorful blocks of various shapes were set up here and there.  Ivan's feet paced across the concrete floor as he glanced around.

"Okay, here's how this is going to work.  You'll have to start up your flight suit, fly to the other side of the hangar, pick up the blue cargo carrier over there, and fly it back here and put it down on the red X.  Lose a piece of cargo or knock over one of the obstacles, and that's a strike; five strikes and you fail.  You will also fail if you take longer than thirty minutes, lose all the cargo, or end your flight prematurely for any reason.  Think you can do it?"

Ivan took a deep breath and nodded.  The falcon stepped over to the wall beside the door and carried back two large helium tanks, slotting them into the holders in the wildcat's flight suit before opening the valves.

"You may start whenever.  I'll start the timer when you leave the ground."

Nodding again, Ivan put the tubes of his flight suit back into his mouth, then carefully pressed two of the switches on his gloves.  Almost immediately he heard a CLICK-CLICK, and helium gas began to flow through the tubes into him.  He could already feel his belly expanding.

As the wildcat got rounder and rounder, the falcon stepped back.  By the time Ivan was the size of a small car, he began to float up off the ground.

"Clearance!" the falcon declared, starting a stopwatch.

Ivan's eyes narrowed as he focused on his goal.  He flipped another switch on his glove, and the cylinders on his belt suddenly unfolded and expanded to a size that should not have been possible, transforming into a pair of propeller engines.  Their increased weight tipped the wildcat forwards, rendering him roughly horizontal.

CLICK.  WHIR-R-R-R.  Both of the engines started up, propelling Ivan forwards.  The wildcat blimp carefully negotiated the controls with his thumbs, stopping the engines once he was at a comfortable speed.  The falcon followed, taking care not to disrupt anything.

Slowly Ivan crossed the hangar, using the engines to turn and adjust his speed, and carefully observing the status displays on his goggles.  Once or twice he bumped against one of the stacks of blocks-- which turned out to be made of Styrofoam-- but managed not to knock them over.

Finally, he reached the cargo carrier.  It was a blue scaffold with railings all around it, and a ring at the top.  Three wooden crates filled with who-knows-what sat on the carrier, ready to be transported.

Ivan set the engines in reverse, gently braking himself to a stop above the carrier.  Then he pressed another switch, and the winch unwound, lowering the claw.

SNAP.  The claw closed securely through the ring.  "NICE CATCH!" flashed on Ivan's goggles as he set the engines to turn himself around, then began to fly back... only to be pulled back suddenly by the weight of the cargo.

Oh yeah.  Right.

Turning on the inflation again, the wildcat filled himself with more helium, bloating up more and more until the cargo carrier left the ground with him, swinging gently from front to back.

Okay, gotta be careful.  Can't let the carrier swing too much or it'll hit something or I'll drop the cargo.

Timing it just right, Ivan turned on the engines again, flying himself back towards the entrance with his cargo in tow.  Of course, his bigger body-- not to mention the carrier swinging beneath him-- made him an easier target for collisions.  Once or twice he bumped into something without seeing it coming, but managed to stop and check his cargo before proceeding.

Several minutes later, the inflated wildcat found himself directly above the red X.  He gently exhaled, letting out the helium within him and lowering himself towards the ground.

Then he began to scrape against the wall, prompting him to realize something-- the exhalation was pushing him backwards!  Thinking quickly, he turned on the engines again, pushing him back into position.  One edge of the cargo platform touched the ground, followed by the rest of it, squarely in the middle of the X.  Satisfied with that outcome, Ivan opened the claw and retracted the winch.

"Cargo delivered!" the falcon called.  Ivan nodded, and pushed another button as he continued to exhale.  Immediately the engines collapsed again and became the little cylinders they'd been before.  Gradually the wildcat deflated until he was able to stand on top of the cargo carrier.  All three crates were still there-- along with one of the blocks from the obstacles.

"You go to get three boxes and you get here with four," the falcon remarked.  "And in less than twenty minutes, with only two strikes.  Congratulations, Mr. Razzle, you passed the test.  You can pick up your license at the issuing office."

"Thank you, sir," Ivan replied-- and immediately covered his mouth.  All that helium had dramatically altered his voice.

The falcon smiled knowingly.  "Yeah, flying has its side effects.  That's why it's recommended that you get yourself flattened after a long flight.  Laura, come in here and give Ivan here an after-flight treatment, please!"

A large female 'toon gorilla, a foot or two taller than Ivan, stepped into the room.  "You must be Ivan," she greeted the wildcat.  "I'm Laura, and I'll be purging the helium from your body and getting your system back to normal.  Don't worry, I used to be a masseuse; I know what I'm doing."

Ivan nodded.  At Laura's direction, he sat down on the floor and closed his eyes, wondering what sort of treatment the gorilla would give him.

He found out quickly as the gorilla jumped up and sat down directly on top of him, squashing him into an effective seat cushion.  Ivan let out a muffled moan of frustration at having been flattened in about the least dignified way possible.

So much for my New Year's resolution to get through the year without getting sat on.