Factory 999 -Gift-

The main industrial region of Veveria was big, to say the least.  Most of the region consisted of factories, warehouses, and production facilities of all sorts, less than half of which were still in service.  Some of the other factories had been unused for so long that nobody remembered what they were even built for anymore, not that a tour of them would be particularly enlightening since they tended to be thrown together willy-nilly.

It was at one of the abandoned factories that a particular police detective had just arrived.  Detective Briggs was as tough as they came, a fire-breathing 'toon dragon with scales as hard as steel.  An anonymous tip had indicated that a particular infamous trio of robbers had chosen this factory for their latest hideout.

Briggs took one more glance at the wanted poster he carried.  It depicted sketches of the aforementioned three robbers: an armadillo named Rock, a white sugar glider named Paper, and a black crow named Scissors.  This wasn't the first time the dragon had gotten involved with these three; he still hadn't forgiven himself for letting them escape police custody under his watch.

Not letting it happen again.  This time I'm putting them in chains!  ...No, that won't be enough.  I'll flatten them with my bare hands and lock them in a display case!  ...No, that doesn't make sense... ah, *@&#$ it, I'll decide when I get my hands on them.

Putting the poster away, Briggs tried the door-- but of course it was locked.  He wouldn't let that stop him, though, and reared back before slamming his shoulder into the door, ripping it off its hinges and sending it flying.  Grinning in self-satisfaction, Briggs stepped inside.

The inside of the factory was dark, save for bits of sunlight that filtered their way in through dirty windows in high places.  For the most part it was just darkness, but Briggs could still sense how big the factory interior was.

"Would it have been so hard just to knock?" came a voice from nearby, and a familiar crow stepped into view.

"You," Briggs growled.  "It's been way too long."

"For me it hasn't been long enough," Scissors replied.  "But I suppose I can squeeze you into my schedule."

Not amused, the dragon lunged and seized the crow, holding him in the air with one hand.

"Enough small talk.  Where are the others?"

"I'm glad-- oof-- you asked.  Hey, Rock!"

Briggs turned his head just in time to face the headlights of a forklift as it started up, a familiar armadillo in the driver's seat.  Rock floored the gas pedal, and the forklift shot towards Briggs at high speed.  The dragon dropped Scissors and caught the forklift's fork in both hands, standing his ground against the vehicle.  The forklift's wheels turned futilely in the air as Briggs held the front end of the forklift off the ground.

Then, all at once, Briggs heaved, flipping the forklift backwards.  The forklift landed upside-down, the headlights dying instantly as a satisfying CRASH echoed throughout the factory.

Scissors looked on, a little worried.  "O-kay... we might have underestimated who we were dealing with here."

"I'll say you did.  Now are you going to come quietly, or--"

WHAM!  Briggs couldn't even process what happened next, as fast and unexpected as it was.  An industrial-strength piston appeared out of nowhere and slammed down directly on top of him, forcing him onto his belly and pressing him flat.  Even his super-tough scales were no match for the sheer power he'd been crushed with.

After a moment, the piston raised up a few feet, revealing the flat sheet of dragon now stuck to its underside.  The factory's lights came on all at once, and a familiar sugar glider waved from a control booth up above.

"Tsk, tsk," Scissors remarked, folding his arms and shaking his head.  "Don't you know anything about traps?  Any trap-master worth their salt intends their 'first trap' to be a distraction."  (Huh, that line sounded familiar somehow...)

The crow stepped closer to admire the results.  Briggs had been flattened into an impossibly perfect rectangle, more than a yard on each side and about as thick as paper... although with the metallic properties of his scales, the dragon was more like a sheet of aluminum.

Paper glided down from the control booth and joined Scissors at the entrance.  "So... are we going to 'deal with' him?"

"As opposed to what, send him home with an apology letter and a fruit basket?  Sure, he's a guy worthy of being 'dealt with' if I ever saw one."

"Then I'll get things set up.  You peel him free, and don't forget Rock."

Briggs frowned.  He had no idea what those criminals meant by "dealing with" him, but he gathered that he wasn't going to like it.

Scissors wasted no time in separating the flattened sheet of dragon from the piston.  Briggs was still firm, not flexible enough to be rolled up, but still lightweight enough to carry.  The crow turned him perpendicular to the ground in order to carry him across the factory floor.

Pausing at the wrecked forklift, Scissors glanced at the armored ball that still rested in the driver's seat.  The crow set Briggs down for a moment and knocked twice on the ball, and after a moment it uncurled into an armadillo and climbed out of the wreckage.

"Thanks a bunch, Scissors.  Hey, is that...?"

"Yep, Rock, it's him.  He's at our mercy, and we're going to 'deal with' him."

"Awesome.  I can't wait."

Together, Rock and Scissors carried the dragon towards a machine further into the factory.  The thing looked like a printing press, set up to take in something wide and flat.  Paper waved from the machine's controls, and gave them a thumbs-up.

Climbing up the steps, the armadillo and crow gently and carefully fed Briggs head-first into the input slot.  Paper shoved a lever, and the machine hummed to life.  Hidden rollers gradually drew the flattened dragon into the machine.

The interior of the machine was dark; Briggs couldn't see a thing inside of it.  He could only feel the cold rollers pressing against him, a sensation his flattened state amplified to an amazing degree.

Two rollers in particular felt different.  Their texture was unusual, like... they were pressing images onto him.  On his front, Briggs could feel little versions of many different designs pressed onto him; on the back, dozens of copies of the same rectangular design in a neat grid all across his body.

Next came the cutters.  Briggs could feel several scissor-like blades penetrating his body all at once, slicing him into dozens of little rectangles.  As each piece separated from him, he could still feel it; in fact, he couldn't tell which rectangle his mind was in, if indeed it was just one.

Finally, a mechanism funneled all the little rectangles together and stacked them in a single pile, which emerged from the machine with a click and a ding.  In his new sliced-and-stacked condition, Briggs was about half an inch tall, and small enough to fit in the palm of someone's hand.

Scissors picked up the little stack of processed dragon and leafed through it.  The machine's printing and cutting had transformed Briggs into a nice-looking deck of playing cards.

"How'd he come out?" Paper asked as she and Rock joined the crow.

"Fantastic.  Let's play some Go Fish."

Making their way to an office section of the factory, Rock, Paper, and Scissors all sat at a table together.  Scissors shuffled the deck, then dealt five cards each to Paper, Rock, and himself before gesturing for Paper to start.

The sugar glider nodded.  "All right then.  Scissors, do you have any fives?"

"Nope.  Go fish."

Briggs mentally grimaced at this turn of events.  Not only had those three gotten the better of him AGAIN, they'd turned him into a deck of cards, some common thing to be...

...Oh, I get it.  "Dealt with."  Ha ha, very funny... *grumble*...

Rock, Paper, and Scissors spent an hour or three playing cards, at the end of which Paper tied a string around the deck to keep it neatly together.  Then the three left, leaving Briggs to contemplate his helpless state.

I hope my backup gets here soon... the backup I DIDN'T ARRANGE FOR because I thought I wouldn't need them!  Oh, @#&*$ me.

The dragon-turned-pack of cards sulked, wondering how long it'd be before he saw the outside world again.